Much have I been in meditation these hours. Searching for answers when condemning myself for the sins I have enacted on this planet. How can one boy steeped in honor for his accomplishments, for sticking in college till the bitter end, and whose friends and colleagues respect, dive into a world of sin that pours nothing but vanity and guilt upon his life and the lives of those precious few who trusted him? What madness has befallen this hero society has lifted up and called it’s future? Where does the happy thoughts spring from his diluted picture of reality and pleasure?

Deep thoughts penetrate my young, untrained, novice mind. From my pit I cannot dive further, only upwards can I fly… and it is perhaps that only truth that will allow me to escape my self-destructive prison. I must remain humble and vow to keep myself alive and full of vigor. Humans, such as I, have had nothing but hardships to traverse and to give into the easiest of emotions would signal just how truly weak I’ve become.

The skies, though dampened by rain, are above me. I must lift myself in the ways prescribed by Christ and not be a hypocrite by loving others and not loving myself. It is the ego we all face, too much makes us drunk on our own selves; too little leaves us dehydrated and weak to face the next day of struggle.

A fall from grace leaves but one path the fallen must take. Upwards bound I must go if ever to restore such public credit that I currently have much debt of.

So rise up, I shall, meet the rain soaked day of tomorrow and with my battered self I will train myself to fly once more with the eagles who soar above me waiting for my return.

From a reflective, yet humble and optimistic soul.

~J out

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