It’s been awhile since I’ve written here, and this week being sort of sick particularly doesn’t exactly motivate to write either. However, seeing as I have some time I’ll write anyway.

It’s remarkable that I and so many others have “made it”, in a way of speaking, to 2011. Recently I re-watched “The Fellowship of the Ring” in the lord of the rings series and thought that, in some manner, a “dark presence” has befallen this realm. Each day brings with it another story of “bad news” but in this year perhaps we’ll make a special effort to read more good then bad.

Perhaps I’m all caught up in the hype with everyone else, but my mind swarms (sometimes to nausea) as to what to do next with my life. The truth is I have a job, a very good one with good pay, lots of vacation, and even very good health insurance. I feel lucky even though amongst some JET teachers this, “dream job” to some, carries warnings of it being rut-job straight headed for the big “what now” 5 years after getting hired (even though it took a year to get into it).

I agree that a new year should be focused on proactive thinking, but as I consider re-contracting for my third year, I sometimes find it hard to resist the lure of security for just a few more years. Perhaps it’s just me or perhaps its the bulk of today’s bewildered 20 sometimes, but honestly– I don’t know what I should be doing or what I want to do. It’s a very honest statement, bizarre in a way, and somewhat humbling to admit.

Why bizarre? Because I’ve accomplished the things and followed the right path when I was younger. I graduated high school when many in my high school didn’t (or couldn’t). I went to two colleges and got two degrees (An Associates and Bachelors). I even landed the job I’ve wanted since I was 14 and now at the ripe age of 26 in the beginning of 2011 I ask frequently, “now what.”

The thought of asking seems somewhat trivial as many would counter me in saying, “ahh fear not it’ll all make sense in time.” Yet, why the heck not ask? Perhaps the sky isn’t falling, but the smiling economic empire that boldly walked into my  high school and career counseling center back in 2003/‘04– promising me and my peers in honors classes “jobs galore” if we followed their little charades— are not only closing the doors, they’re not even there anymore.

Sounds like what Bob Dylan wrote in his song “Just like Tom Thumb’s Blues”,

Everybody said they’d stand behind me
When the game got rough
But the joke was on me
There was nobody even there to call my bluff
I’m going back to New York City
I do believe I’ve had enough.

2011 will, for many, be a year (I expect) of ‘great ponderings‘. Lots of stuff to sort through emotionally, physically, and mentally. Gotta stay tough and focused.

~J out

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